Saturday, 22 January 2011

Golden Axe Beastrider is officaly the worst game I have played in 2011 so far...


I love the Golden Axe games but there has not been a good Golden Axe game since the second arcade game which was released in 1993 confusingly called Golden Axe 2 ~ The Return of Death Adder. This is a strange name because Sega released a game which was already called Golden Axe 2 on the Megadrive one year before. But like I said, this is neither here nore there because there have been no attempts to bring the series back to it's former glory which is a shame because the Golden Axe mythology is very interesting.

In 2008 Secret Level and Sega decided to try and recapture some of the magic of the series by rebooting it thus was now have Golden Axe Beastrider. All I can really say is congrats Golden Axe 3 and the crappy Sega Ages PS2 remake of Golden Axe, you are both no longer the worst Golden Axe game I have played. Beastrider is so painfully generic, so punishingly dull. so brutally devoid of any kind of charm that the old Golden Axe games from the early nineties had that it's a crime to even compare Beastrider to them despite it's beast effort to crib from those games with knowing winks and nods.

Generic enemies? Check!, Generic backgrounds? Check! Awful redesign of a classic video Game heroin? Check!

My biggest problem and this is the biggest crime you can level against any game in my opinion is that the developers did not even try to aspire to anything other than cheap cash mediocrity. simply put this game does not strike me as a labour of love. This is a crying shame in my opinion because like I said before I would of love to of seen a decent game biased in the Golden Axe world. It's a simple concept of some bad ass heroes romping around an fantasy world vanquishing evil and tyranny as they uncover it with the aid of their weapons, powerful beasts and mysterious but powerful magic.

Instead what we get is a generic hack and slash game set in some generic levels (which half the time are not very well designed) killing some generic villains while using a generic and very boring combat system with a generic and broken counter system which despite the game's best efforts to convince you otherwise does not work well when surrounded with more than a couple of enemies at a time thanks to the horrid camera which allows the enemy to land cheap hits on you (seriously FUCK THOSE ROCK THROWING GRUNTS!) and even when you do notice the attack coming if there is two enemies doing an attack you are boned anyway because they just hit you while you are countering or during a dodge. The counter attacks are also worthless, yeah they do more damage than a standard attack but barely meaning that it's going to take awhile to kill any enemy, even at the beginning of the game let alone when you have to fight giant mid-boss like characters.


The beasts while being well animated are not very useful during battle, or very fun to ride for that matter!

The gameplay is dull and the levels are dull but is it worth it for the storyline? well no not really! As a fan there are several other "things" that annoy me about this game too. I don't like Tydas Flares "redesign". It's obvious they tried to "sex her up" even more than she was in the 16bit games. They also turned the Golden Axe, one of video gamings most iconic weapons in to a lame joke of a throwing weapon, good job guys. One of the biggest problems with this game though is the magic.

Magic in the Golden Axe games made you feel powerful, well at least in the first couple of Arcade and Megadrive games anyway. I mean in the arcade version of Golden Axe 2 is was possible to cast fire magic so powerful as the barbarian "Stern" that it would literally melt the bas guy's face off!

Now compare that to what you get with Beastrider. A crappy fireball spell that barely does anything and a not so crappy area of effect spell that reeks of genericness. Not exactly like summoning a great fire breathing dragon from the first game is it? And this is why the game is so boring, it never changes. The combat does not change, the spells do not change, the weapons eventually change but don't change in to anything that's meaningful or make the game fun. apart from the counters, all you have in this game is three spells (the Golden Axe is only used to gain access to new areas though) and a light and heavy attack. I mean you can run and jump but both lose there impact when you figure out that they add nothing to your arsenal so to speak, well that's a little unfair as running does get you from place to place a bit quicker but it nowhere near as useful as the 16bit games where you could shoulderbarge motherfuckers in to bottomless pits.

As dull as this game is the worst thing is that is DRAGS! Oh dear lord does it drag. I played this game for some considerable time, longer than you might expect for a game of this type and I am still nowhere near the end. I know people wish that games kept the length of games in the old days but you know what in this case I really wish this game was a long as the original Golden Axe games as then at least my suffering would be over much quicker.

In summary I don't like this game. It will be forever known as the first retail game I decided to play in 2011 and I regret that decision now as this game is a gigantic waste of everyone's time from the people responsible making the game to the actually game player. No one partaking in a recreational hobby as proved to be so fruitless to so many people at any one time. Congratulations Beastrider for wasting everyone's fucking time! [3/10]

1 comment:

Rich Peoww said...

Yep, I gave this 2/10 and even that was generous. Absolute fucking shit.